Out of the Mouths of Babes

by Zackary Richards

Weird things my Kid said

Although I spent a first part of my life living in the Bronx and Greenwich Village, I presently have spent  over 30 years in a popular tourist town. It’s a beautiful place with wonderful people.

My tale begins with an incident the other day involving a traffic situation. I was driving down the main thoroughfare and was making a turn at a green light. Since I was crossing oncoming traffic I had to move quickly.

As I made my turn and was approaching the intersection a group of tourists  stepped out into the crosswalk ignoring the fact that the big black box right in front of them read DON”T WALK in big red letters.

So with oncoming traffic coming at me I blew the horn to get them back on the sidewalk. They start yelling at me and banged on my car as I passed claiming they had the right of way because in New York, cars have to stop for people in crosswalks if there aren’t any traffic lights.

BUT NOT WHEN THERE IS A BIG RED DON’T WALK SIGN POINTED RIGHT AT THEM!!!

But it did remind me of an event that occurred when my daughter was three and sitting in her car seat in the back seat of my car. I was to pick up my mother who worked in Manhattan. Since there was never an empty parking space in that area I had to drive around the block until my mother was at the curb.

While stopped at a red light, this homeless guy came up to my car with an old wadded up newspaper and began to rub it across my windshield. My windshield was clean, and the paper was filthy. I waved him off and shook my head no. Normally they’d go on to the next car and that would be the end of it.

 Not this time.

He kept rubbed the dirty newspaper across my windshield after repeated warnings to get away from my car. Finally I grabbed the tire iron I kept near the gearshift and opened my door. Seeing I meant business, he took the hint and took off.

So I continued circling the block until my mother arrived and climbed into the car.

Seeing my daughter in the back she turned but before she could open her mouth my daughter said excitedly, “Hey grandma, Daddy almost lumped a bum!”

Out of the mouth of babes, as the saying goes.

Which reminded me of another similar incident. Back in the day I was a musician and needed to learn some new songs for a gig we were hired for. A popular song at the time was Billy Idol’s, Flesh for Fantasy. The title also being the chorus.

 As I drove to pick up my mother, I played it several times on the car tape player to learn the lyrics and sing it in Billy Idol’s style. Again my daughter was in the backseat with a bottle in her mouth. When my mother appeared on the sidewalk, I stopped the car, she climbed in and seeing my daughter in the back, turned and said, “How my beautiful little granddaughter?”

To which her beautiful little granddaughter pops the bottle from her mouth and sings, “FLESH! Flesh for fantasy!”

My mother turned to me and said, “What the hell are you teaching these kids?”Edit

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I Was Nine When I Realized That I Was Going To Be Burned Alive

By Zackary Richards

A few may remember the Cuban Missile Crisis. Most were too young, other have since past. But for me I remember it as if it were yesterday. For the too young, you’ve probably seen those newsreels showing the people of the early sixties what to do should we be hit by an Atomic bomb. It seems ridiculous now, that climbing under your desk at school or at work would be adequate defense against a nuclear bomb blast.

The thing was, we knew it was ridiculous too.

Even me at nine years of age.

Tensions between the U.S and the Soviet Union had been building for some time, but the real spark came when it was discovered the Soviets were building nuclear missile sites in Cuba from which they could launch directly at U.S. cities.

President Kennedy told Premier Khrushchev to dismantle them or we would invade.

Khrushchev said no.

So President Kennedy put a blockade (called a quarantine at the time) around Cuba and gave orders to sink any ship or shoot down any plane that attempted to breach the blockade.

However, ships from Russia were heading toward Cuba with no indication of turning around.

Russian subs with nuclear torpedoes were already there.

This is where my story comes in. I was nine at the time and there was the television, with America’s newsman Walter Cronkite, reporting on the crisis. As tensions grew the regularly scheduled programs would be interrupted by ‘SPECIAL REPORTS”

The news was never good. To this day when the TV interrupts with Special Report, my heart leaps out of my chest.

We lived in the Bronx at the time and I could see the Empire State building from my apartment. I have always been an insomniac so I would lay in bed and listen to the TV as my father watched the news.

It was there I learned that New York City was a 5efinite target because all our financials ran from there.

The day was October 25^th and the news was grim, I was getting ready for school when I heard Cronkite say that the Russian ships were approaching Cuba and American ships were gearing up to meet them.

There was a television show at the time called The 20^th Century also hosted by Walter Cronkite. One episode showed the results of our Atomic bomb on Hiroshima. Interviewed survivors, some burned beyond recognition. Apartment houses, the same size where I lived, were blasted into rubble. People literally incinerated by the blast. Cooked alive by the intense heat.

 I was horrified by what I saw.

Then realized that was likely going to happen to me.

 On my way to school I decided that if I was going to die in a very painful and violent fiery explosion I wanted to be with my parents and brother and sister when it happened. I wanted to be with my family if I was going to be burned alive.

So I got off the bus and came back home and told my parents I thought I was coming down with tonsillitis, which was believable because I had it a lot back then.

 I watched TV with my father and mother.

Finally before a nuclear confrontation, the Russian ships turned around and it was announced that a deal had been reached.

The entire world heaved a sigh of collective relief.

Now, just in case you think the danger was played up and that no one in their right mind would actually start a nuclear was, know this.

Soviet Officer Vasili Arkhipov on board the Russian Submarine B-59 was instructed to launch a nuclear torpedo at an American warship. The three commanding officers had to all agree if the torpedo was to be fired, the first two voted to fire, Arkhipov refused, saying that he would not go down in history as the man who started an all-out nuclear war.

If you were born after 1962, you are probably alive because of him. If you were born before October 1962, the same appl